Sunday, May 20

2007 MCNBA Championship

It's been a few days since I've checked in so excuse me. I had to represent for my squad. Da Bulls. At any rate...

I was sitting a couple of days ago, and I was thinking about something silly. We all have seen lists of the Top 10 Emcees and what not. I was thinking of something a little different, but along the same lines. What if we metophorically looked at Hip Hop in the sense of basketball? What would that look like? There would have to be 2 teams consisting of 5 starters, and a 6th man. Each team would have to have a Owner and a Coach. Each team would also have their own cheerleaders/hype men. How would each team of Emcees square up with one another? Betting lines have been created for each individual matchup, as well as for overall matchups (Points equal punchlines per 16 bars). Here are the teams:

The Los Angeles Lakers (14 NBA titles in franchise's history)
PG - Kanye West
SG - Nas
SF - Eminem
PF - Snoop Dogg
C - Big Pun
6th Man - Foxy Brown

Owner - Run DMC
Head Coach - Biggie
Cheerleaders/Hype Men - Outkast

The Chicago Bulls (6 NBA titles in franchise's history)
PG - Dr. Dre
SG - Rakim
SF - Jay Z
PF - Redman
C - Fat Joe
6th Man - Lil Kim

Owner - LL Cool J
Head Coach - 2Pac
Cheerleaders/Hype Men - Wu Tang Clan

Take these two teams and square em off. Lets do some analyzing.

The PG Matchup
Kanye West VS Dr. Dre: This matchup can be pretty even, because they are Producers first. Pretty good producers at that. The gap begins to widen as the Producers start to spit. Dr. Dre becomes the underdog due to his limited lyrical ability compared to Kanye West. Although Kanye's lyrics are not a clear cut run away, he is the favorite. For their teams, they each are able to provide dime after dime, album after album. They are the top two best dishers in the league's history.
Favorite - Kanye West
Underdog - Dr. Dre
Points: +5 (20)

The SG Matchup
Nas VS Rakim: This matchup pits Mr. Miyagi against Daniel Son... teacher vs student. It is known that Nas idolized Rakim in his early years. The two styles and swaggers closely resemble. Nas over the years has polished his skills and worked at coming out of Rakim's shadow. He has done that. He now is a perenial All Star, and with his ability to take over on the court at his own pace... he is the true favorite. Rakim does not slouch or back down regardless of his age. With his age comes wisdom, and he will make Nas work for his.
Favorite - Nas
Underdog - Rakim
Points: +3 (25)

The SF Matchup
Eminem VS Jay-Z: This may be the most intriguing matchup of the series. You have battle rapper Eminem versus Hip Hop Mogul, Jay-Z. This matchup would be a battle for the whole 48 minutes with neither Emcee letting up. Back and forth like a tennis match. Words as powerful as church on Sunday morning. Jay-Z wins the experience being 38 years old, and closing in on retirement... again. Eminem still has his youth, but at the same time an abilty to be crafty and punchline driven. He does not make a mockery of Jay-Z, but he will quietly triumph in the final seconds.
Favorite - Eminem
Underdog - Jay Z
Points: +2 (28)

The PF Matchup
Snoop Dogg VS Redman: Two Emcees in a matchup not of chopping, splitting, filling, rolling, and lighting. Rather a matchup of lyrical domination. Redman brings to the table his uncanny ability to keep the fans into the game with his humorous delivery. He is rugged and grimy out there. He's the kind of guy who shows up to the matchup in his Tims, sweat shirt and sweats. Then after the matchup goes home to his 2 bedroom apartment. He really does not care, and he spits with an enthusiasm that can't be matched by Snoop. Snoop knows that he is overmatched lyrically, but does not back down. He fiercely spits until he runs out of wind. Short on witty punchlines compared to Redman he takes backstage.
Favorite - Redman
Underdog - Snoop Dogg
Points: +5 (21)

The C Matchup
Big Pun VS Fat Joe: Big Pun is obviously the Bill Walton of the game, but maybe better. The two overweights battle it out while representing their hometown roots. Two Puerto Ricans holding the paint down like it was the block. Fat Joe approaches the mic definitely influenced by his big brother Pun. Each of these Emcees well matched across the board. All the way down to the wire they battle it out. Although Pun is potentially better, Fat Joe fights with a desire to get out the shadows. He has been practicing and it shows.
Favorite - Even
Points: +1 (20)

The 6th Man Matchup
Foxy Brown VS Lil Kim: This matchup will not be a boxing match. The two would actually have to spit. They hate each other, so expect some really mean things to be said here. You got grimey versus plastic. That does not take anything away from their skills though. Kim was raised by B.I.G. and the other hooligans from Junior M.A.F.I.A., while Foxy studied under Jay Z. Interesting. In a street fight I'm taking Foxy. In this lyrical matchup I'm taking Foxy as well. It would be close, and on any given day this matchup could swing for the underdog.
Favorite - Foxy Brown
Underdog - Lil Kim
Points: +3 (17)

The Halftime show would also be a great matchup. Kind of like the Battle of the Bands in a football game. Circle City Classic or something. Outkast VS Wu Tang Clan.

This halftime show would be one to stay for. Outkast and their ability to switch up the tune and spit to a foreign sound. While Wu Tang Clan and their influences from martial arts. Method Man once said that Wu is the sound that a sword makes cutting through air, and Tang is the sound the sword makes against a shield. Clever. Outkast is a two man band with many different styles for years. Whatever style they bring to the halftime show the fans are sure to get a treat. Wu Tang Clan they bring a army of 9 to the center court, but a entourage of over 300 in the stands. Even with their 300 plus in the crowd against the Southern Drummers this is an exciting halftime show. No winners here folks. Just enjoy the show and don't spill your popcorn.

Overall Winner of this Championship Match...

Favorite - Los Angeles Lakers
Underdog - Chicago Bulls
Points: +3 (131)

That is my analysis of the MCNBA Championship for 2007.

Tune in on June 16 for the action.

Over and out, DocBoone.


Maelstrom said...

so, i got Dre over Kanye, Rakim over Nas...Em and Jigga, that's a draw...then i got Redman over Snoop, Pun over Fat Joe and Foxy over Lil Kim fa sho!

and if i'm followin the over/under right, i guess that means i got the Bulls favored to win 13:4!

man i hate the Bulls...but i guess i hate the Lakers too...where are the Pistons?

tripperpalooza said...

... as long as in this fantasy game Jam Master Jay gets to spin the national anthem ... wearing Knicks colors.

Cool post. Very creative of you to think about the idea.